Eva's Journal

12:17AM - this is the end...

I am retiring this journal name...for further information on my new identity, please contact me through e-mail or messenger. So long, farewell.

Current mood: accomplished

Current music: Aaron Sprinkle - The Kindest Days

12:19AM - fond, but not in love

You Should Teach Feminism 101!

Women of the world unite - you don't need dicks to make you happy!

Whether you're a lesbian or straight girl (or something in between)...

You've always felt a special connection with other women.



Maybe you feel like you and other women have the same struggles.

Or maybe you just dig their wacky genitalia.

In either case, you're ready to break out the Toni Morrison and Sylvia Plath.



What's Class Should You Teach?

More Great Quizzes from Quiz Diva

7:22PM - Please Mr. Postman, look and see...

I received my order from Torrid today...I'm so gloriously happy! I NEVER order clothes online...it's just too damn risky...but EVERYTHING fits...the skirt, the pants, the shoes, the top, the belt....EVERYTHING! I'm soooo happy! AND, I got two CDs in the mail...only 3 more to come...HOT DIGGETY DAMN!!!

I was supposed to go to Pretty Girls Make Graves tonight, but considering I had all of a wonderful 2 1/2 hours of sleep last night, yeah...that didn't happen. So Eric is coming here to order chinese with me and we're going to watch Dogma....oh the splendor of it all!!

Thank you for the sweetest message ever! Noone has EVER done that for me before!!!! It feels so good to know that there are other people out there just as caring and genuine and sweet and optimistic as I had always hoped for. I am truly blessed to have you in my life. I came home drained from work, heard your message (although it was 9 hours late), and instantly regained energy and blood circulation!! BESTEST PERSON EVER!!! I LOVE YOU!!!!!

I can't decide between the cashew chicken or the sweet and sour chicken/shrimp combo!!! booooo! what shall i do? Oh, these life decisions are just tearing meself up!

Current mood: chipper

Current music: Radiohead - OK Computer (thinking about a Ninja!)

11:48PM - out with the old....

and in with the nothing new....blah blah blah!

I want to go see Pretty Girls Make Graves Friday night, and I have noone to go with me...everyone is busy or out of town...

*weeps*

hmmm...I may have to go on a solo mission! woot woot! Unless I can drag a certain hip hip lady, by the name of Dina Martini, to escort me there! I'll even buy her some drinks, ON ME!!! And we all know that HOB drinks don't come cheap!

Current mood: amused

Current music: AcousticNinja - King of Wierd Songs Galore

3:10PM

i had a dream last night that had a lot of the following in it:

cockroaches
Marilyn Manson
old faces from high school

Needless to say, I'm quite perterbed and somewhat bothered right now. I'm off to work after my three day weekend. I'd like to say I got a lot accomplished, but I really didn't, except for a satisfactory amount of sleep and movie watching time...oh...and getting drunk twice...but geeze...enough is enough! Time to be all responsible and stuff.

The new icon is me at 3 years old. As you can tell, I was quite the thinker and analyzer even at an early age...teehee!

Current mood: cynical

Current music: Scooby Doo

3:50PM - let the funk rise!

After spending the last couple of days in a dark and deep hole, I realized that nothing good is going to come from wishing things were different. Nothing good is going to come from having doubted myself. Nothing good is going to come if I keep letting my own actions from the past dictate who I am now. I have to just tell myself that I'm much too special of a person to let assholes with clever come backs get in the way of believing who I am and what I stand for. Justification is not important, and neither is crying over something or someone who no longer and never will play an important role in my life. I love and care for everyone that I have embraced into my life, and sure that can get me hurt in the long run. But hey, I'd much rather have gotten hurt out of it, rather than not had any love to begin with. I've never been one to have a ton of friends or be the most important or popular person on the block. I know who I am, and usually that's enough for people to want to be around me. I know I don't have a ton of friends, but the ones I do have are amazing quality. It's also comforting to know that I have more friends than I do enemies, which is sad, because some people can't say that. In fact, I don't really have any enemies, because I love everyone. I just know that my positive outlook on life annoys some people who choose to see things as a negativity. So yeah, I may be their enemy, but I still gotta love em! Sure, I miss the company of a handful of people that I was so lucky to get to know in the past year or so of my life, but I can't dwell on that. I know who truly loves me back.

I think I may go to service at 6:00. I missed it this morning because I slept. I wish I could find someone interested in finding a good church to go to with me. Even though, I really don't have a problem going by myself. I don't really need church in order to love God and show Him that I love Him, but it's always refreshing to see others love Him as well. I rarely talk about or express my opinions of religion, and I know that's wrong of me. Everyone is entitled to their own beliefs. I feel that our society is so lost now, mainly because the lack of faith that people have instilled in themselves. I don't really want to talk too much about my beliefs in a silly journal entry. Those of you who know, know where I stand.

I'm off to watch a movie! yay!!!

Current mood: jubilant

Current music: Modest Mouse - This Is A Long Drive...

12:35AM - grab your fspork

I feel as if my heart has been ripped out of my chest.....placed on an all-you-can eat platter....in hopes of being completely devoured.

Current mood: lonely

Current music: silence

4:01PM - raining on my boring parade!

my eyes won't stop tearing...my throat is screaming bloody murder...my ears have ringing in them...my nose has decided to throw me off balance with the amount of SHIT that is stuffed inside of there....and yes....i can hardly read what i'm typing because the Tylenol Sinus I took about 2 hours ago has me all drugged up....oohoooh...and I called into work to tell them I'm sick, and OF COURSE, noone can cover my shift, and i'm getting written up for not calling 2 hours ahead of time (mainly because of the drugs I passed out and called an hour before scheduled to be there)...AND i still have to go in at 7:00...

bitch...bitch...bitch...

I guess that's what I'm good at...I'd like to give a big EFF YOU to Wilson Hotel Management...and my dickhead GM...

I should probably get some more sleep before I have to go in....luckily, I have the next 3 days off...I'm not going to Key Largo for the weekend, because i'm simply just not in the mood to drive down there alone...run into people i really don't feel like running into...and i have some things i should probably get done up here anyways...

if anyone would like to come over and keep a sick lady company, well...that would be super sweet...ha! i won't hold my breath though!

Current mood: lethargic

Current music: nothing...no music...i hate it

2:12PM - you may be blessed by your own ghost

i haven't left me apartment in 2 days. i don't know whether i'm just extremely comfortable in my haven of no disturbances, or if this funk is merely for my protection and amusement.

life kinda bores me right now...friends are too busy with significant others or significant jobs...i'm debating whether or not to drive down to Key Largo Saturday since I have off until Tuesday...I figure three days off in a row up here will surely put me in a state of severe cabin fever.

the one good thing that has happened with me spending so much time at home is being so incredibly lucky to have found my most favorite person ever! CHRISTOPHER TAYLOR, I LOVE YOU!!!! Yes...Chris is the newest member of Eva's "You're So Cool" club!! yay!!! now...we just have to get him from Weatherford, TX to Orlando, FL...hmmmm....I feel a mission slowly approaching!

Current mood: blank

Current music: Elliott - False Cathedrals

2:53AM - hahahahahaha...AWESOME!

You are 0% straight edge


How straight edge are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

12:50PM - someone crapping on my head would be an improvement...

i feel so selfish...i don't know why...it's as if i feel like i threw away a good thing, even though i know that it just wasn't that good for me at this present time in life...i have no right to be jealous...i have no right to be bitter...i brought all of this on myself...i should be happy for them...i have no rights!

Current mood: confused

Current music: Elliott Smith - FIgure 8

1:41PM - COPYING DINA!

pick a band and answer only using that band's song titles:
(and note.. it's not the lyrics to the song... it's the song titles)

BOUNCING SOULS

Are you male or female?: KID

Describe yourself: HOPELESS ROMANTIC

How do some people feel about you?: BULLYING THE JUKEBOX

Describe your girlfriend/boyfriend/interest: WISH ME WELL (YOU CAN GO TO HELL)

How do you feel about yourself?: YOU'RE SO RAD

Where would you rather be?: '87

Describe what you want to be: THE WHOLE THING

Describe how you live: FIGHT TO LIVE

Describe how you love: UNDENIABLE

Share a few words of wisdom: IT'S NOT THE HEAT, IT'S THE HUMANITY

1:08PM - right on...it's like, you know?

The Thirties.


Which Decade Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

2:50AM - compliments of IAN....thanks man! I owe you one!

My friend Ian brought this to my attention...I just HAD to share it with everyone!

Of course it's edited....to read ALL of it, and it's HIGHLY recommended....go to
http://it.dontexist.org/lmao.txt

bloodninja: Baby, I been havin a tough night so treat me nice aight?
BritneySpears14: Aight.
bloodninja: Slip out of those pants baby, yeah.
BritneySpears14: I slip out of my pants, just for you, bloodninja.
bloodninja: Oh yeah, aight. Aight, I put on my robe and wizard hat.
BritneySpears14: Oh, I like to play dress up.
bloodninja: Me too baby.
BritneySpears14: I kiss you softly on your chest.
bloodninja: I cast Lvl. 3 Eroticism. You turn into a real beautiful woman.
BritneySpears14: Hey...
bloodninja: I meditate to regain my mana, before casting Lvl. 8 Cock of the Infinite.
BritneySpears14: Funny I still don't see it.
bloodninja: I spend my mana reserves to cast Mighty F*ck of the Beyondness.
BritneySpears14: You are the worst cyber partner ever. This is ridiculous.
bloodninja: Don't f*ck with me bitch, I'm the mightiest sorcerer of the lands.
bloodninja: I steal yo soul and cast Lightning Lvl. 1,000,000 Your body explodes into a fine bloody mist, because you are only a Lvl. 2 Druid.
BritneySpears14: Don't ever message me again you piece of ****.
bloodninja: Robots are trying to drill my brain but my lightning shield inflicts DOA attack, leaving the robots as flaming piles of metal.
bloodninja: King Arthur congratulates me for destroying Dr. Robotnik's evil army of Robot Socialist Republics. The cold war ends. Reagan steals my accomplishments and makes like it was cause of him.
bloodninja: You still there baby? I think it's getting hard now.
bloodninja: Baby?

LATER THAT DAY....

BritneySpears14: Ok, are you ready?
eminemBNJA: Aight, yeah I'm ready.
BritneySpears14: I like your music Em... Tee hee.
eminemBNJA: huh huh, yeah, I make it for the ladies.
BritneySpears14: Mmm, we like it a lot. Let me show you.
BritneySpears14: I take off your pants, slowly, and massage your muscular physique.
eminemBNJA: Oh I like that Baby. I put on my robe and wizard hat.
BritneySpears14: What the f*ck, I told you not to message me again.
eminemBNJA: Oh ****
BritneySpears14: I swear if you do it one more time I'm gonna report your ISP and say you were sending me kiddie porn you f*ck up.
eminemBNJA: Oh ****
eminemBNJA: damn I gotta write down your names or something

AND THEN...

j_gurli3: thats ok. ok i'm a japanese schoolgirl, what r u.
bloodninja: A Rhinocerus. Well, hung like one, thats for sure.
j_gurli3: haha, ok lets go.
j_gurli3: i put my hand through ur hair, and kiss u on the neck.
bloodninja: I stomp the ground, and snort, to alert you that you are in my breeding territory.
............
j_gurli3: i start unbuttoning ur shirt.
bloodninja: Rhinoceruses don't wear shirts.
............
bloodninja: I stomp my feet, the dust stirs around my tough skinned feet.
j_gurli3: thats it.
bloodninja: Nostrils flaring, I lower my head. My horn, like some phallic symbol of my potent virility, is the last thing you see as skulls collide and mine remains the victor. You are now a bloody red ragdoll suspended in the air on my mighty horn.
bloodninja: Goddam am I hard now.

AND THEN....

Bloodninja: I take yo pants off, grunting like a troll.
Sarah19fca: Yeah I like it rough.
Bloodninja: I smack you thick booty.
Sarah19fca: Oh yeah, that feels good.
Bloodninja: Smack, Smack, yeeeaahhh.
Bloodninja: I make some toast and eat it off your ass. Land O' Lakes butter all in your crack. Mmmm.
.............
Bloodninja: get me peanuts. Peanuts from the ballpark.
Sarah19fca: Peanuts?
Bloodninja: Ken Griffey Jr. Yeaaaaahhh.
Sarah19fca: What are you talking about?

AND THEN....
Bloodninja: Are you ready for my fresh produce?
MommyMelissa: I was thinking of like, sexual acts INVOLVING vegetables... Can you make it a little more sexy for me?
(pause)
Bloodninja: I touch you on your lettuce, you massage my spinach... Sexily.
Bloodninja: I ride your buttocks, like they were amber waves of grains.
MommyMelissa: Grain doesn't really turn me on... I was thinking more along the lines of carrots and zucchinis.
Bloodninja: my zucchinis carresses your carrots.
Bloodninja: Damn baby your right, this s**t is HOT.
MommyMelissa: ...
Bloodninja: My turnips listen for the soft cry of your love. My insides turn to celery as I unleash my warm and sticky cauliflower of love.
MommyMelissa: What the f**k is this madlibs? I'm outta here.
Bloodninja: Yah, well I already unleashed my cauliflower, all over your olives, and up in your eyes. Now you can't see. Bitch.
MommyMelissa: whatever.



HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
THERE IS SO MUCH MORE....go to that site!!!!!! hahaha!!!

Current mood: amused

Current music: CRYING!!!!!! and LAUGHTER!!!!!!!

2:49AM - ummmmm...if you say so!

Kitty Goth


What Kind of Goth Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

8:38PM - just some excerpts....i love to ponder....

I mentioned the Rolling Stone - 35th Anniversary edition "American Icons"....here are some excerpts of three articles that I got a tickle and chill out of reading...Take some time to read over these, or just go buy your own copy so you can read them in their entirety or ALL of the articles. It really is something worth taking a look at.

Marilyn Manson
"The Dead Rock Star"
With Jim Morrison, it's the dark sexual element. You want to grow up to be like him. With Kurt Cobain, it's about relating to his pain and understanding how close death's door is. When I was just about to start a band in 1989, I was still a journalist, and I got a promo pack from Sub Pop records with Bleach and a black-and-white glossy photo of Nirvana. There was something really dark and alluring about the record. And that feeling hits you every time you hear one of their songs. You can hear a tear in his voice, the pain going on there.

When Cobain died, no one was very much surprised. I was disappointed, but I think a part of me was relieved because it seemed like he was suffering so much in the last year of his life, and his suffering was over, if anythig. He despised being the rock star he ended up being. But like Morrison and Hendrix, he was proof that the most amazing art comes from people who are living their lives like there is no tomorrow.


Courtney Love
"The Blonde Bombshell"
...So do we love blondes or hate blondes ~ or both? It's a Young Miss question, but look who you're listening to. I've made millions off people loving me, hating me, hating to love me and love to hate me ~ wanting to fuck me and not wanting to tell their friends about me and thinking I'm disgusting. It's been back and forth. Still, I think I get in a lot more trouble because I'm blonde. Being blonde is about purity and virginity and also sexual availability.

As for blonde men, I've dated them all. It's an issue. I've never dated a guy with brown eyes, except for Gavin Rossdale, but he might as well have been blonde, and nobody knew that we were going out. I don't know if I've even fucked a dark haired guy in my power years - since 1989. Pre-1989, I pretty much fucked everybody. But it was because I had to get breakfast somehow. Why have I not dated anyone not blonde? Maybe it's because my DNA has me trolling for blondeness. I see Eminem bleashing ~ privately. I bet he screams if anyone walks in on his bleaching sessions. Men freak when they go blonde. Are they gay now?

Do blondes have more fun? Abso-fucking-lutely - when we have power. When we don't, we are sad whores. When we do, we are virgin whore goddesses who carry the weight of the universe. Elizabeth Taylor and Winona Ryder can have what they want - the black-haired women have an entire universe to rule.


Elizabeth Wurtzel
"The Pill"
...People once survived surgery without Percecet. The once suffered ulcers without Zantac. If you had heart disease or high blood pressure, you dropped dead. Men were impotent, women were frigid, there were shotgun weddings and backroom abortions. If you were depressed, your best bet was therapy or suicide.

As Prozac made world safe for depression, it also nursed another affliction into the mainstream: attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder. Of course, there have always been hyperactive kids. Back in the Fifties - and even more recently - bad children got sent to the principal's office, then to parchial school, then to reform school, then to military school, then to juvenile hall and then, if they were lucky, they ended up in Sing Sing; if not Vietnam.

...So how to explain the sudden spate of Ritalin kids? The trickledown effect, of course. As it becomes more normal fo grown-ups to take daily pills, it becomes easier to mete out medication to the children. The notion that pills are for little people is only acceptable in a society that loves giving pills to big people.

And now it's not just Ritalin, with its stigma, it's association with boys who eventually grow up and get lots of tattoos and join bands like Black Flag; guys who turn into men like Henry Rollins, the alpha Ritalin kid.

...After Prozac, it seemed impossible that the pharmaceutical companies would ever again come up with a drug of such great social import. Enter Viagra, men's first prize from the sexual revelution since the creation of Playboy, the Dutch treat, the respectable one-night stand and the declaration that strip clubs are really feminist enterprise zones. You've come a long way, baby. What can be said about Viagra? Who knew so many American men couldn't get it up? Oh, forgive me: suffered from erectile dysfunction. But it's hard to say if this pill is truly used therapeutically, for that rare twenty-three year old male who is physically disabled - or is mostly helping protract porn stars' performance and prolong men's sexual capacity?

Really: Are elderly men, once at ease playing shuffleboard and bridge in their retirement complexes in Boca, that desperate to have hot geriatric sex? At least some of our more renowned dirty old men are hard and happy. Viagra may well have saved this country from another Bob Dole presidential campaign - and paried him with Britney Spears for a different kind of campaign for Pepsi. Hugh Hefner was awfully sad about his divorce from Kimberly until he discovered Viagra, found seven girlfriends, and became the old Hef again. Red satin pajamas for all!

And now, just over the horizon, a pill for women who have trouble with desire. This drug will save women who just can't get around to getting hot and bothered - especially if none of the men they know have quite mastered tantric sex and, after all the years, still can't quite accept that there is no such thing as a vaginal orgasm. This is a pill for women who feel the sexual revelution has failed them.

Here we go again! Forty-three years after the Pill made it possible to fuck around, years of feminism have left working mothers exhausted and spent, young college students frigid and frightened. Apparently we need a cure for the cure.

1:50AM - Cinco de Mayo

For having eight Coronas today, I would think I would be much more drunk than I am. But I'm just feeling completely numb and lethargic. blah!

Went to Amigos and celebrated with Sabring, Lori, and Jose.

Went downtown with Dina to keep celebrating...YAY DINA!! too cute!

Now the neighbors are screaming spanish obsenities, and I'm so fucking thrilled!

I missed two good shows this weekend and am doing the pissed times! I really wanted to see The Faint and The Cramps, but as luck has it, I had to...guess what???...WORK!!!!! yay!

Thank GOD I have off tomorrow...

For anyone who hasn't picked up the Roling Stone 35th Anniversary Special...American Idols...DO IT! There are some GREAT articles in there...I'd type some of my favorite excerpts, but I'm just too damn tired to even read! well...except for what I'm typing...which probably makes no sense whatsoever!

Off to do the sleepy times!

Current mood: blah

Current music: Elliott Smith - Figure 8

1:50AM - I don't even know what to say!

2:44PM - can I get a Halleluiah!?

Your Masturbation Method Should be Using a Vibrator!

Who needs a man? Not you!

With a vibrator, flying solo can be more fun than being partnered!



What's *Your* Masturbation Method?

More Great Quizzes from Quiz Diva

2:14PM - strangest dreams lately...

I had a dream last night....that a family member had died....I seduced a cousin's husband while wearing a bra and underwear and eating chips and salsa....I got really drunk and ran through the mall cursing and yelling at the top of my lungs....cursed out my family...and my mom tells me that she's divorcing my dad and is sleeping with another woman....oh yeah....and some random guy was in it that i confessed my love to and ended up having super duper wild schexxx....wow! yeah...needless to say...i couldn't WAIT to wake up!

off to work times! wheeeee!!!

Current mood: predatory

Current music: Evanescence - Bring Me To Life